Friday, February 3, 2012

Gotta Get Out Tonight

Okay, sorry I haven't fucking posted in a bit. It's been an ordeal focusing at times. Anyway, to the fucking point, tonight was... nice. We had a little date, talked about shit. It was actually fun, even with fucking shadows in the edges of everything.

Sitting there, talking and listening to music over dinner, I couldn't help but think again that Harls has the most gorgeous eyes, all bright and ice blue, not even dulled by the sickness she's been having to deal with over these last months. Legs that go on for years, and a body to die for... Or to kill for. She deserves better than this shithole. I have to figure out something. though... I suppose people are going to tell me there's nothing to fucking figure out. Just misery and fucking death. Well, they can shove that up their ass and light it.

We're still not moving on. My leg's healing slower than it should, and she's fluctuating into sickness too often. I know I should just stay still and let myself heal if I can, but I just can't stay still. It's not hurting as much these days, but I know it's not healing right. I can't just stay still and let the chickadee do all the fucking work to support us. Not with the way things are.

So here I sit, watching the window, watching the shadows move on the pavement, and loving a person who doesn't deserve to have dealt with any of this bullshit. Fuck moping and wangsting, though. It's a waste of fucking time and energy, and I can think of much better uses of those.